“The Health Clinic gave me new diseases instead of curing the one I had!”

The Health Clinic gave me new diseases instead of curing the one I had!”

"I caught the summer reading flesh-eating bacterium!"

"I caught the summer reading flesh-eating bacterium!"

“Everything is just so darn big up here on the surface.”

Everything is just so darn big up here on the surface.”

“I am an angel. People keep telling me that angels don’t exist. Now I’m starting to wonder if they are actually right. What if I don’t really exist?”

I am an angel. People keep telling me that angels don’t exist. Now I’m starting to wonder if they are actually right. What if I don’t really exist?”

“I am an angel. People keep telling me that angels don’t exist. Now I’m starting to wonder if they are actually right. What if I don’t really exist?”

I am an angel. People keep telling me that angels don’t exist. Now I’m starting to wonder if they are actually right. What if I don’t really exist?”

"Wheat and wheat byproducts are forbidden, but I can’t find a gluten-free matzo I like." 

"Wheat and wheat byproducts are forbidden, but I can’t find a gluten-free matzo I like." 

"The Faceless Old Woman Who Lives In My House keeps stealing the remote." (incinera)

"The Faceless Old Woman Who Lives In My House keeps stealing the remote." ()

"Cecil keeps breaking the coffee machine in the NVCR break room." ( internhoovaloo )

"Cecil keeps breaking the coffee machine in the NVCR break room." (  )

"Alcohol interacts with my medications so if I see something, I say nothing, but I can’t drink to forget."

"Alcohol interacts with my medications so if I see something, I say nothing, but I can’t drink to forget."

Valentine’s Day Cards, from Night Vale.

1: “If I could choose a person and our fates were not mandated by the city council, I’d choose you to survive Valentine’s Day.”

2. “I have nothing pleasant to wish you. This is a gory, bloody day. Why is it mandated that we send these?!”

3. “I’m sorry your family member and or loved one was my Valentine.”

4. “Roses are red, have sharp fangs, and venom sacks. Violets are outlawed by the city council. Huddle in terror with me?”

“We would like to complain about a small missing girl and the community’s frankly half-hearted efforts to find her.
-StrexCorp Synernists Inc”

We would like to complain about a small missing girl and the community’s frankly half-hearted efforts to find her.

-StrexCorp Synernists Inc”

“I wanted to stop at White Sand Ice Cream Shop after work, but the souls of the owners belong to Strexcorp now.”

I wanted to stop at White Sand Ice Cream Shop after work, but the souls of the owners belong to Strexcorp now.”